When I began my own personal self-exploration of love I first consulted with the dictionary. What was the definition of love?
Love, it read:
a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
sexual passion or desire.
verb (used with object), loved, lov·ing.
to have love or affection for:All her pupils love her.
to have a profoundly tender, passionate affection for (another person).
This great deep, ocean called love and it was boiled down to nouns, verbs and a couple of phrases that barely did it justice.
"What is love truly?" I questioned.
There were so many types of love to consider: romantic, friendship, that of a parent and child, sisters and brothers. All so seemingly different in their nature. This is what we are led to believe. Ultimately though there is only one love. A love that is pure in its essence, that is unconditional in its nature and expands beyond the all that is.
George King says in his book The Nine Freedoms:
“You can truly Love all things and all people and you should do so, even though you may not like them. Love is not a way to bind and possess, but a way to free. It is not an expression of emotion, but mental energy transmuted on to the highest possible level. This is true Love. It is not personalized, it is universal. It is not binding, but gives freedom. Pure Love has great healing powers, it is the one force in the Cosmic system which can multiply itself from itself. The man who uses true Love is the wise man, for Wisdom is Love in action.”
Love is something we all seek out. It is part of being a human.
The problem is, we are so scared of being alone that we make stupid mistakes in order to fool ourselves into living the romantic dream. The world fools us with romantic fantasies that are not at all true. Giving us a distorted ideology of love.
Love is not about uttering those three special words.
Love is about being. Love is all we are.
Love is a spiritual experience when it is embraced.
Bell Hooks echoes this thought in her inspiringly, powerful book - All About Love as she writes: “All awakening to love is spiritual awakening”. However she continues, “Awakening to love can happen only as we let go of our obsession with power and domination”.
First it is paramount that we explore love for ourselves that we deepen into our own personal practice of love before we look to seek love outside of ourselves. The capacity to be alone is the key to discovering the love that exists within. That is abundant in its nature and is giving to all.
The great Indian spiritual leader, Osho, shared the following analogy about love:
"The capacity to be alone is the capacity to love. It may look paradoxical to you, but it's not. It is an existential truth: only those people who are capable of being alone are capable of love, of sharing, of going into the deepest core of another person--without possessing the other, without becoming dependent on the other, without reducing the other to a thing, and without becoming addicted to the other. They allow the other absolute freedom, because they know that if the other leaves, they will be as happy as they are now. Their happiness cannot be taken by the other, because it is not given by the other."
Freedom and love is associated in many a passage. It is obvious that the fear of lack of love is what holds us back from embracing freedom within love. To truly love is to let the other person be who they are, with no conditions - to let them run free.
Let us enjoy the presence of love without the urge to hold onto it and without the desire to pluck it like a flower.
In order to evolve and participate in a beautiful lasting soul connection with another we must stop entering relationships based on ‘need’. Evaluating love based on a ‘list’ of all the assets your future partner may have. For example, a good job, a nice car, money. This kind of materialistic thinking is so far from the truth and essence of what love is it is no wonder we lack success in love.
Love in its truest form is not a transaction.
The Sun does not say “you were miserable yesterday so today I will not shine”. Love is eternal and nature shows us the way with endless giving, this is true love. Embody love and give love always - in every action, in every word, in every touch and only then will you find the true meaning of love, and how it has always been within you.
With love & gratitude,
In order to Elevate your life, we work with a simple set of 5 principles that serve to rise you to your fullest potential and create a long-lasting transformation. Today I will be talking about the fifth and final principle: Elevate.
We have spoken about all of the elements that create and add to elevating our lives, be it grounding practices, radiant health, reclaiming power or discovering purpose. The final step in the process is now to rise up!
So how do we achieve this elevated state?
There are many answers and ways of doing this, today I will share 3 simple steps you can use to help you vibrate higher.
Frequency of Love or Fear
The first way we can rise up is by becoming aware of the frequency we are operating on. Love is the highest vibration there is and ideally the best place for us to be functioning from. Fear is the lowest.
Each time we take action it will either be driven by love or by fear, as both vibrations cannot both be present at the same time. Therefore, our actions can only be based on one of two things, either:
John Lennon says:
“There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.”
All of the qualities assigned to the vibration of love are positive and provide that elevated feeling that is sought far and wide. Fear is full of negative emotions. We may have learned to live from a state of fear based on our upbringing, friends, or work colleagues but it is up to us to change.
Love is our natural state of being. It is time we begin to embrace our true nature and step away from possession, from fear, and into joy, freedom, expansion, and love.
When you have the choice… which you do, always chose love over fear.
In order to rise up and elevate, it is important to use this question as a daily reminder:
This will serve as a guide to ensure you are aligning your frequency with that of love.
The second tool we can use to elevate ourselves is gratitude, I recently spoke of this in the power segment. Gratitude is something that I adopted as a practice many years ago, after I noticed the positive effects that it had on my life. The art of gratitude made me feel abundant every single day. Whilst everyone else was out there comparing themselves, longing for what they did not have, I was saying thank you for what I did have.
This switch in mind-set automatically moves you into a higher frequency. I saw no need to compare myself to others, as we are all on our own journey. Despite the good intentions of many of those teaching about gratitude, the missing key is the feeling of gratitude. For it is the feeling of gratitude that changes things and it is important that we understand the energy pattern behind the sentiment.
If you write down ten things you are grateful for every evening before you go to bed but you do not feel the shift in energy as you write then it is an empty exercise. This practice will achieve very little, even if you feel a bit better. In order to create prosperity and encourage more to enter into your life, you must truly feel the value of and an appreciation for every gift and blessing.
Choosing to focus on the good we are already experiencing, allows us to be content with what we have right now. Regardless of whether we have the lifestyle, dream job or money we desire. Acceptance and gratitude for your life exactly as it is places you automatically into a better vibrational frequency and attracts more for you to feel grateful for. If we are already practising gratitude and feeling this feeling on a daily basis, the universe will only deliver that of a matching vibration. Like attracts like.
As I wrote in my book Twenty8: The Age of Power, my teacher explained it to me like this:
"The energy pattern of gratitude within your consciousness and bio-field will then attract to you by sympathetic resonance more events and gifts about which to feel gratitude. Conversely, if you focus upon the perception of lack, inequality and victimhood (which the mass media perpetually encourage), then you will attract further events which resonate with this energy pattern”.
A great way of incorporating gratitude into your daily practice is practising this tool at the end of each day. I will look back over my day and instead of saying, how was my day? I will ask, what am I most grateful for?
Tell me, what are you most grateful for today?
The third way to elevate your life is by creating a positive, abundant, limitless mindset. The mind is a very powerful tool, and if used correctly can assist us in acquiring everything we ever dreamed of. If we do not master the mind, we will find ourselves stuck in the same pattern cycles and habits that do not serve us in the long run.
These limiting beliefs that we develop over time may start out small, but if we are not careful can become big road blocks. Brian Tracy tells us:
“You begin to fly when you let go of self-limiting beliefs and allow your mind and aspirations to rise to greater heights.”
What limiting beliefs are holding you back?
Write down as many self-limiting beliefs as you can think of.
These may be as simple as: success takes hard work, or money doesn’t grow on trees.
Now that you know what is holding you back, it is time to re-wire the brain and start to programme yourself with new beliefs that will serve you better. I have done this a number of times on my journey and so long as you choose new beliefs that you resonate with and feel positive about you will be able to condition yourself to automatically choose these new beliefs.
A word of warning this does not necessarily come over night, in my own personal journey to love, it took me months of training to rewire my brain – this was because my feeling of unworthiness in love was so deep rooted and went all the way back to childhood.
I am sure you are aware of the internal chatter that starts to become present as soon as we begin to quote a new affirmation to replace an old belief, for example: “I am worthy of love”. The inner mean girl or boy will start, “no you aren’t”, or “oh you think that’s going to work”. This can be frustrating at the beginning but this chatter will subside – the important part is to acknowledge it, and declare: “it is safe for me to change”.
Now that you have the self-awareness of these beliefs or negative habits you will have the power to master your mindset and choose a new path.
I recommend using present tense I AM affirmations to assist with your development. Affirmations are positive statements that we can use to enhance our lives. Affirmations are like any other discipline they must be practiced regularly in order for them to work.
And as Cassandra Anaya says:
“Affirmations can be equated to the children's story: "The Little Engine That Could".... I think I can; I think can; I think I can.... AND HE DID!”
I personally like to hand write my affirmations and keep them in a place where I regularly will see them, this way I will be constantly reminded of my new beliefs throughout the day.
How will you choose to rewire your limiting beliefs and what I am affirmations will you choose to support your growth?
This concludes our 5 part Elevate series, I hope that you found these tools valuable in learning how to elevate your life and rise to your fullest potential.
If you would like to learn more about my personal journey to transforming my life then please check out my book Twenty8: The Age of Power or my Elevate Coaching Programme.
Thank you for reading!
With love & gratitude,
I am so thrilled to announce the launch of my 10-day course Learning How To Love with Insight Timer. It went live on Valentine's Day which was perfectly timed as we can always do with a little extra support around this time, whether we are single or in a partnership.
After dedicating an entire year of my life to unraveling love and the teachings regarding love, I felt it was time to share this knowledge with the world.
Sadly there is no blueprint to how we love despite there being many teachings on the subject. I learned during my year of love was how truly vast love really was.
Luckily I was able to consolidate my findings into a simple 10-day course, not an easy task with so much to share! However, this will allow you to learn to love again, defining what love means for you and helping you prepare for your greatest love story yet.
As many of you know I am working on my second book, The Age of Love so the full story of what I discovered in this heart opening year will be coming soon. For now though, I will leave you with my course as a starting point to love.
I'd love to hear your thoughts on the course, share with me in a comment below.
With love & gratitude,
Love is not about possessing another.
Love will make you feel so free you can fly.
Love is growth.
Love embraces who you are as individuals, with the knowing that together you create star dust.
I have been possessed by another in love before.
It only reveals the other person's incapability of loving, declaring them as immature, lacking growth and ultimately highlighting their insecurities and fear of love.
True love however, true love is not possession.
True love is expansive, it is open and it spans infinite lifetimes.
“The Buddhists say if you meet somebody and your heart pounds, your hands shake, your knees go weak, that’s not the one. When you meet your ‘soul mate’ you’ll feel calm. No anxiety, no agitation.” - Monica Drake
When you meet that soulmate or spiritual partner you will know it because you will have a strong internal feeling of contentment. It will not be busy or over-zealous; it will be patient and kind.
It will give you the power to soar. To chase dreams, build bridges, and make changes. It will inspire you to be better every day.
A day won’t pass without them caring for you. Thinking of you. Loving you.
It will be the greatest journey of your life. An adventure you cannot prepare for. You will learn as the journey unfolds what is required. You will grow into the space.
It has taken many years for me to grow into this way of thinking. I used to believe love could be measured by how big your engagement ring was or the number of text messages you received in a day.
I used to think possessive behavior was love. I used to think it was normal. That my partner checking up on me was sweet. That being attached by the hip was romantic. I now see how full of fear these actions were.
Love is the highest vibration there is. Fear is the lowest.
These two vibrations cannot both be present at the same time. Therefore, relationships can only be based on two things:
“There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.” – John Lennon
So how do we differentiate between love and fear?
All of the qualities assigned to love are positive for they are the true essence of love and provide that elevated feeling that is sought far and wide. Fear is full of the negative emotions... this is not how we want to be loving. We may have lacked love from our parents or never been shown true love by a partner, but it is up to us to change.
Love is our natural state of being. It is time we begin to embrace our true nature and step away from possession, from fear, and into joy, freedom, expansion, and true love.
When you have the choice… which you do, always chose love over fear.
This article was written for The Universe Talks and was published on 14 August 2018 via www.tut.com.